When it starts, you sing along to the theme tune
"DUF, DUF, DUF DUF DUF DUF DUF!!!" and so on. Sometimes there are dance moves. You get the picture.
And you silence anyone who dares speak over your beloved friends from Albert Square
Seriously guys? I will HURT you if you speak over Dot Cotton like that again.
You can't hide your excitement when an old character returns
It's almost as exciting as one of Jean's sausage surprises, isn't it?
And you really get a kick out of it when, y'know, something explodes and bursts into flames. Or someone gets murdered…
Yes, yes - it's morbid that you love it. But you NEED that drama, damn it!
Although that doesn't mean you don't mourn for those characters who pass on, obviously...
Hands up if you still miss Bradley.
Just us then?
Whenever you can, you scream "YOU AIN'T MY MOTHER" at people
And get a kick out of it when they respond appropriately.
You growl 'get outta my pub' at anyone who crosses you…
It's what Peggy would want.
You watch the omnibus every Sunday, even though you've been watching every week
"Hey man, it's nice to have a refresh!"
December 25th isn't about the Queen's speech, it's ALL about that explosive Christmas special
WHO WILL DIE THIS YEAR?!?!
You generally blame Janine Butcher for any mystery evil doings in Albert Square…
She probably killed Lucy Beale somehow.
No, we don't know how. Maybe she did it with her brain...?
You curse the scriptwriters if they don't let your favourite characters live happily ever after
"WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO KAT AND ALFIE?!?!"
And you curse them even more when they write the hotties out of the show...
Sure, Sean Slater was crazy - but he was deliciously crazy!
Most of all, you worship at the altar of Queen Dot
"Every time I do anything, I ask myself this: what would Dot do?"
But we don't judge you, not one little bit. After all, EastEnders is AMAZING in every way - even if it does leave you ridiculously depressed on a Tuesday evening.
Wipe those tears, EastEnders fans - just remember how lucky you are NOT to live in Walford!
Follow our EastEnders tweets over at @CloserOnline on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday - we're just as addicted as you are.